Limericks

There was a young man from Cwmbran
Who said 'Listen, friends, I've a plan -
I really can't stay, I 'm going away.
I'll move out as fast as I can'.

There was a young man of Newport
Who felt that his life was quite fraught.
And so for a prank, he robbed a large bank
And great news - he never was caught!

There was a young couple from Cardiff
They started each sentence with 'If ...'
So whatever they said filled the other with dread
And quite often would end in a tiff.

There was a young man from Aberystwyth
His style, it was quite min'malistic.
In his house was a chair, the rest was quite bare,
When his friends heard, they all went ballistic.

There was an old man from Aberystwyth
Who always was quite antagonistic.
If you said that's black coal, he'd say it's white sole,
His ideas were quite idealistic.

There was a young man from Cornwall
Who really was not quite normal
When he went to the loo, he always turned blue,
Whatever he said, he was formal.

There was a young man from Tregaron,
Whose garden was always quite barren,
He used fertiliser, which he sprayed in a visor,
It protected his eye and blepharon.

There was a young man from China
No person you'll meet could be finer
He stood to attention and also I'll mention
A smidgin of rouge and eyeliner.

There was an old man from London
He knew not his flies were undone.
A man they called Joe said 'you're flying low'
But fixing things was a conundrum.

Look! A man from Crossycilog

What an extraordin'ry fizzog

A boil on his chin, lips far too thin

He looks like a startled bullfrog.

Song of Songs 2:3-6

An apple tree among the trees,

So my loved one, I see.

In his shade I'm fully at ease,

His fruit tastes good to me.

Bring me to your banqueting house,

The banner love above.

Refresh me with apples, my spouse,

With grapes – I faint with love.

His left hand is under my head,

His right arm me entwines.

This is my Bridegroom, Christ, who's led

Me on the fairest lines.

Wet hands

When I was a child,

My mother's hands were

always wet

- a thing I didn't get.

But now there's no regret,

Perhaps they're even yet,

Though I wouldn't want to bet,

Still getting rather wet.

I'm forever in her debt.