Caerffili Limericks

Cadw, OGL v1.0OGL v1.0, via Wikimedia Commons

There's a place north of Cardiff - Caerffili

You can spell it like this - that's Caerphilly.

It has a large castle and the traffic's a hassle

But the people live there quite tran-quilly.

There's a place in South Wales called Caerffili

It's miles from the river called Gwili.

No, the river near there is the Rhymni,

Idris Davies once rhymed that with "give me"

(That came to my mind involunt'rily).

There's a place that I know called Caerffili

The land all round there is quite hilly.

You can go for long walks, past mountains and rocks

And engage in some ornitho-phily.

Have you heard of the place called Caerffili?

For a joke some will say "care-fully" - how silly!

It has its own cheese - crumbly, white, bound to please,

It's nice with some fresh picallili.

Once a man and made a move to Caerffili

The people all round said he was silly.

But he went anyway, he went there to stay and it turned out okay,

Though it often would turn rather chilly.

There once was a man from Caerffili

For the sake of the rhyme call him Billy.

He lived there alone, all soaked to the bone,

For the rain often came willy nilly.

There once was a girl from Caerffili

For the sake of the rhyme call her Lily.

She lived with her dad, which sounds rather sad,

But they got on together quite happ-ily.

She lived in a slum

Cintia_e_Roberta_01.jpg: 5x Favela, Agora Por Nós Mesmosderivative work: Minerva97, CC BY-SA 2.0
<https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

She lived in a slum in Rio

He loved her madly and with brio.

She was his fave lass from the favelas

I saw a ballerina

Anna Pavlova

I saw a ballerina

A ballerina gold

She was dancing on a building

One of fifteen I could see

I wondered what she thought

Then finshed up my tea

Sibylisation or syllables on Sibyl on her birthday

Adorable, unsinkable, she's massively capable.
Endorsable, unanalyseable, commonsensible,
She's Sibyl

Enviable, reas'nable, incredible and mem'rable.
Indispensable, irrepressible, embarrassable,
She's Sibyl

Affable, endorsable, indeed quite unsurpassable.
Valuable, knowledgeable and always responsible.
She's Sibyl

Accessible and teasable so very esteemable.
Charitable, amiable, bankable, believable,
She's Sibyl

Amusable, clubbable, commendable and equable,
Credible, dependable and quite irreprehensible,
She's Sibyl

I scribble “Great Sibyl”
She's civil, she's Sibyl,
No quibble, she's Sibyl,
No drivel, she's Sibyl!
She's Sibyl, great Sibyl,
So say ishkabibble,
Great Sibyl.

Alffi

I've never written an eclogue

But if I did, I know,

I would write it about our dog -

In Autumn fog, in snow,

In Summer sun or Spring time rain,

When it's dark or frosty,

Alffi asleep or awake again,

Dull or Pentecosty,

In heat, in cold, when skies are blue,

Our ball of white and brown.

Good dog Alffi - cocking your head,

And bad dog Alffi - Down!

Limericks

There was a young man from Cwmbran
Who said 'Listen, friends, I've a plan -
I really can't stay, I 'm going away.
I'll move out as fast as I can'.

There was a young man of Newport
Who felt that his life was quite fraught.
And so for a prank, he robbed a large bank
And great news - he never was caught!

There was a young couple from Cardiff
They started each sentence with 'If ...'
So whatever they said filled the other with dread
And quite often would end in a tiff.

There was a young man from Aberystwyth
His style, it was quite min'malistic.
In his house was a chair, the rest was quite bare,
When his friends heard, they all went ballistic.

There was an old man from Aberystwyth
Who always was quite antagonistic.
If you said that's black coal, he'd say it's white sole,
His ideas were quite idealistic.

There was a young man from Cornwall
Who really was not quite normal
When he went to the loo, he always turned blue,
Whatever he said, he was formal.

There was a young man from Tregaron,
Whose garden was always quite barren,
He used fertiliser, which he sprayed in a visor,
It protected his eye and blepharon.

There was a young man from China
No person you'll meet could be finer
He stood to attention and also I'll mention
A smidgin of rouge and eyeliner.

There was an old man from London
He knew not his flies were undone.
A man they called Joe said 'you're flying low'
But fixing things was a conundrum.

There once was a man from Childs Hill

I must say, he looked rather ill.

What he needed you see was not therapy,

No, he'd just arrived here from Brazil

Look! A man from Crossycilog

What an extraordinary fizzog

A boil on his chin, lips far too thin

He looks like a startled bullfrog.

Song of Songs 2:3-6

An apple tree among the trees,

So my loved one, I see.

In his shade I'm fully at ease,

His fruit tastes good to me.

Bring me to your banqueting house,

The banner love above.

Refresh me with apples, my spouse,

With grapes – I faint with love.

His left hand is under my head,

His right arm me entwines.

This is my Bridegroom, Christ, who's led

Me on the fairest lines.

Wet hands

Catt Liu maundytime, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

When I was a child,

My mother's hands were

always wet

- a thing I didn't get.

But now there's no regret,

Perhaps they're even yet,

Though I wouldn't want to bet,

Still getting rather wet.

I'm forever in her debt.

Sad Haiku

Damian B Oh, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>,
via Wikimedia Commons

As I passed the house,

The undertaker arrived.

It was Christmas Eve.

Wintry Haiku

Michal Klajban, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>,
via Wikimedia Commons

The snow descending,

I feel warm and snug indoors.

How soon will it stop?

Davy Jones had too many bones

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his hair,

For he didn't care.

He cut off his hair,

And left his head bare.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his nose

Yes, there his nose goes.

He cut off his nose,

And how the blood flows.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his ear,

All done with good cheer.

He cut off his ear,

Removed without fear.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his thumb,

I know it sounds dumb,

He cut off his thumb

It left his hand numb.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his hand.

He did as he planned.

He cut off his hand

And thought it was grand.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his arm.

He did himself harm.

He cut off his arm

But he stayed quite calm.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his toe

Well what do you know?

He cut off his toe,

His toe had to go.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his foot

Blade to foot he put.

He cut off his foot,

His foot was kaput.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his leg

And put in a peg.

He cut off his leg

And started to beg.

Davy Jones had too many bones

So this is what he did -

He cut off his head,

It drove him to bed.

He cut off his head

And now he is dead.

Prunestones

I loved a soldier.
I said, make me your bride.
But he went to war, and oh how I cried.

He left me alone, no man by my side.

I loved a sailor.
I said, come marry me.
But he sailed away on the big blue sea.
He left me alone, to weep on the quay.

I loved a tailor.
I said, when shall we wed?
But he went to work with needle and thread
And left me alone, as though I were dead.

I loved a tinker.
They read our wedding banns.
But he walked away with kettles and pans
And left me alone, with old tins and cans.

I loved a rich man.
I said, we'll wed today.
But he got busy, filling barns with hay.
He left me alone, I'm wasting away.

I loved a poor man
And we married in haste.
But some how marriage was not to his taste.
He left me alone, to wane and to waste.

I loved a beggar.
I said, will you be mine?
But the beggar was caught, given a fine,
And left me alone, to moan and to pine.

I loved a thief man.
I said, we'll wed today.
The thief said that marriage was A-okay
He saw all my goods - then took them away!

Butterflies

Last night I dreamt of it again -
My brother he was five
And I was coming up to seven,
So glad to be alive.

We all into the garden went,
The butterflies to free.
How we had longed for this event -
Mam, dad, the brothers three.

We'd watched the butterflies all grow
But now the time was nigh
To set them free, to let them go,
Release them to the sky.

We stood there in the garden bright,
So long ago those hours,
The jars were opened; they took flight,
They danced among the flowers.

How beautiful the butterflies,
God made their tiny wings.
He made them fair for he is wise,
All praise O king of kings!

Humility

Watch a seagull fly,

Eye must not cry.

Feet webbed to the earth,

I sometimes overestimate my worth - 

Remember good works on three fingers,

Evil on hands and feet,

Yet I try to seem sweet

But the aftertaste lingers

And my head remembers

Failings and fumblings, footfaults and falls.

But kind people speak to me

And I forget I am humble.

I can never see

How I can be excellent

And never realise or say

But still I pray.

On the dangers of dancing

Dance! Dance! Dance!
Like a tiger on the loose

Dance! Dance! Dance!
Like a gawky gliding goose

Dance! Dance! Dance!
Like a body on a noose.